I’m ready with an entire thesis on why snails are queer culture. They’re a bit slimy and traditionally straight people don’t like them, to begin with. They are underestimated, for two. They carry their homes on their backs, which would be very useful for gay people – who notoriously cannot drive or pack lights to save our lives.
But it boils down to this: there’s a snail in this post that will be sleeping on a perfectly recreated mini-bed made from a Belgian waffle. Either you’re in or you’re not (and you should be).
I was first introduced to the Instagram account of aleia by Nicole, A+ and Director of Fundraising for Autostraddle, who spoke about it in a team meeting. And I’m sure they found out first from their girlfriend? (what did I say? queer culture.) Within minutes all the senior staff at Autostraddle had all stopped what we were doing cold to ooooh about virtual snails we didn’t know about because they went on tiny fake dates and slept in the most perfect, tiny, fake houses. I joked “oh next time we have a hole in the calendar I’m writing about snails!!” Everyone laughed but I was very serious, and my friends, today is that day.
Turns out I’m not alone! The work of Aleia Murawski and Sam Copeland – the artists behind the legitimately stunningly beautiful snail photography and Instagram account – has been featured in New York Three times since January! once for demonstrate climate changeonce to…uh…sell supermarket brand miniatures (?), and once to talk about it the secrets of getting snails to pose for pictures (it’s cucumbers!). If you follow their Instagram, you’ll also see more BTS pics for those of you who like that stuff. They too sell books, impressions of their workand are save a very cute dog!
Now! Ahead! SNAILS!!
Elder snails walking at sunset!!
I don’t know buddy, I think you need to listen to that snail play a miniature piano. I think you just have to do it.
A snail on a motorcycle in the desert! Don’t peace and relaxation overwhelm you?
For all my goth gays, a (small) scale recreation of Scream. How could something so horribly adorable?
No, but a pet snail!!! With his own pet hamster!!!
I just want to discuss how they turned a waffle into a snail bed. I want us all to consider how soft and delicious a Belgian waffle mattress would be. Tell me this isn’t heaven. I dare you to try.
Just a snail in a heart-shaped tub, looking for love in the wrong place…
…but I think we can level up on our heart-shaped items. For example, nothing says romance more than a miniature pickup truck with a heart-shaped cargo bed filled with comforting ramen.
And finally, BIRTHDAY SNAILS! 🎂
Hope this ridiculous serotonin boost has brightened your day!
If you want another picture of this candy sweet snail sun – do not forget to follow aleia on instagram (all of you, I promise you they didn’t sponsor this post, I’m just very gay for snails!)